A very Happy New Year to one and all! Belated perhaps but sincerely meant.

Shingalana, circa 2006. The peeping pawn star in person.

I’m going to borrow bits from my two other blogs. What! So shoot me! I’m bloody exhausted. Yesterday I was working all day on my six websites. My eyes still look like those of a cartoon character after he’s been hypnotised whilst somewhere along the way my brain was swapped with mashed potato at which point this occurred I can’t say for sure. And for a good part of the morning I was doing battle with my juicer. It won. Say no more. Except, always remember to have the waste bin in place prior to juicing.

As we go forward into a new year I wish everyone out there a great 2014. I’m looking back with fond memories and some not so… such as the time I had on my head the entire contents of a tin of organic tomatoes flavoured with basil blinking furiously as it ran down my face and into my eyes, in a pathetic attempt to correct my hair colour which had gone disastrously wrong. Yes, absolutely brilliant, I always wanted to look half human half yellow canary.

May 2014 be happy and healthy and full of fun and how about those New Year resolutions, hmm?

Yes, I will be nicer to next door’s cat even if he does relieve himself all over my roses.

No, I won’t swear and wish horrible things on the driver who nips in front of me without so much of a flash of an indicator instead of waiting patiently in line like everyone else.

Actually, cut that one. As for the first resolution personally I have no problem with any animal in my garden but I do wish dog owners would clean up after the poor thing has done its business in public. The animal would if it could and whilst dog owners have this ability many choose not to exercise it.

And finally, yes, I will endeavour to stick to my New Year resolution list for at least six months if not the whole year.

And I have one more to add to that. Why not make it your resolution to read more? And I know just the books telling of hair disasters and a pawnographic cat! These and other daft real-life essays can be found in “Musings Amusing”… what! Again? So double shoot me.

Happy New Year to one and all and let’s wish the same to everyone else.

Peace and Happiness.

Rosie.

Rosie Wordpress blog: http://rbachholzer.wordpress.com/

Wolf Black Wordpress blog: http://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/

Rosie working website listing all blogs and websites: http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

So, what’s been happening lately?

Hello you lot out there. Hope all is well and groovy. I’ve been busy. Absolutely! When one is ill one is being busy being ill which is par for the course so we won’t talk about it… um, what else. I now have a total of seven websites and three blogs. What do you mean, do I have to?

Yes.

Actually, four blogs counting my book blog but it’s been so long since I’ve even popped by I’m not sure it still exists. Have to hack away at the virtual cobwebs when I do venture on to there. It will become more active once I’ve published and released my autobiography on which I am currently working. Takes time especially when I’m doing other things hence the inactivity on the corresponding blog and... phew!

I’m also at the beginning of a new creative venture. Yes, typically, I got this bright idea and in my usual inimitable style have gone into it all gung-ho. I’ll let you know how that turns out. It should be fun. In the meantime two words with which to tantalise you: Jewellery. Heavenly. Okay make that three: Designer. Jewellery. Heavenly.

And for my visual trip down memory lane, today I have a picture of JS Bach’s organ if you’ll pardon the expression. Took a trip there to St Thomas Church in Leipzig almost as a pilgrimage. Most emotional. Spiritual and touching. Was very moving.

TTFN. Best, best. Rxx

And I almost forgot. Links to my other blog and that of my male counterpart, Wolfie, simply click on below. x

Rosie Wordpress blog: http://rbachholzer.wordpress.com/

Wolf Black Wordpress blog: http://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/

Rosie working website listing all blogs and websites: http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

Not everything is Amazon... hmm?

Why aren’t my books available on Amazon? Well, they were, then I took them down. What? No, the reviews weren’t that hideous. Well, one of them was a laugh! Hence my comments in my previous blog. No, couldn’t get on with the demands on payment and non-communications and that’s all I’m going to say on the subject which is me showing incredible restraint as I do so love to gripe. But only when there is something worth griping about of course. I do have my standards.

Be well, my lovelies.
Boogie on over to my website at http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk for details on all the various book shops and distributors where “Enigma” and my other eBooks which incidentally are FREE can be downloaded. Enjoy yourself. TTFN.

Pic is of a past cat. Long ago. Has no relation to this blog whatsoever. Friske pronounced Frisky.

“Enigma” the controversial book

Hmm… “Enigma” is the eBook which appears to be causing controversial comments as opposed to it being controversial per se. By the by, from 1 November 2013 “Enigma” is being sold at $2.99. So shoot me! It’s been free for nearly four months and quite possibly it will be again but for the time being get your dosh out. Indeed, it looks like my readers have strong feelings towards the accurate and detailed description of the clothes, cars, homes… depicted in the book - they either love it or hate it! But it’s all done entirely on purpose. Everything in the book has been done for a reason.

I am fully aware there is an odd paragraph in which a certain phrase is repeated, but thanks for pointing that out, Mr Perks on Amazon. I am fully aware the characters are being described as removing or putting on their clothes using a favoured phrase, but thanks for pointing that out. Read any Lee Child lately? In one book Lee describes the pavement and stairs on which Reacher was staking out a property in infinite detail. I thought, hmm… I could come to New York tomorrow and be able to pick out these steps. If they existed. Lots, of detail there, Lee, but I liked it! It got me thinking. It appears “Enigma” has got a lot of you out there thinking too. Good or bad - it’s good.

But that’s the thing.

Practically every location and every piece of clothing really, truly, madly and deeply exists. You can go on Google maps and look up these places. You can take the exact route Love and Stuart take when chasing the perpetrator. Wolf Black takes you there. You are there. It’s Black’s signature. Like it or not. Which leaves me only to say again a ginormous thank you to everyone who has left a review especially KEN PRATHER, DAVID POWELLS, DAPHNE LEWIS and a special big thank you to ANNEMARIE WATSON and KIMBERLY VON RUFFIN and VICKY BOHM. Ladies, Wolf Black is speaking and you hear him totally. That is SO, SO COOL.

Boogie on over to my website at http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk for details on the various book shops and distributors where all my eBooks including “Enigma” can be downloaded. Enjoy. Love to you and everyone, Rosie xxx

Love the underwear then the man...

Such exciting news I have to share with you. Two things. First, think boxers (not the dog) briefs, quality underwear, sexy, Dick Love, and DGU which stands for Dead Good Undies. DGU, an online retailer based in the UK stocking the best in men's underwear and more, has just released a press release about Enigma. For those of you who have been in a coma these last few weeks, Enigma is a crime mystery novel released under the pseudonym Wolf Black. Why? Because one of the two detectives, Dick Love, wears Doreanse 1777 boxer briefs which DGU introduced to the UK. And dead sexy they are too. The underwear I mean. Although DGU could well be too. So, many thanks indeed to Jane Garner over at DGU. Nice one. The other thing I want to impart is yippee! Enigma has passed the 1000 download mark which isn't something to be sniffed at considering it was only published less than three months ago. So! Enjoy the link and thank you to all who download Enigma and wear your knickers well. TTFN, Love Rosie. X http://www.deadgoodundies.com/apparel/doreanse-boxer-brief-1777.html

Talk. Tape. Take

"Isn't that just typical," I hear you mutter, "we don't hear from her in ages," and "personally I thought she was dead," I hear another mutter, charming, thank you indeed for that. And now you can't keep me away! Well, what have I got to gripe about this time? No griping simply promoting. I have done an interview with Smashwords and thought you might like to have a shifty at it. I kept the answers concise purely to prevent inordinate amounts of tedium overpowering you like a blanket of frustrating fog. Most considerate of me I thought, not to mention restrained because you know what, writers love to talk about themselves, their books, their favourite pens, notepads, future books, past books, what they had for dinner last night, their cars, their cats…. Cats? Cars? Really? Funny you should say that because I have this great tale about… hello? My screen just went blank. https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/wolfblack

Well, it is I. But then again who else would it be. Silly me. Can't remember why I'm blogging hmm… add "senile" to my list of achievements so-called. Ha! Found this really spooky but cute but funny picture of my ex-husband's rescue cat from Spain. Tina! She does have a body I promise you. She's not just a head. And no, that's not what Spanish cats look like. One big head with no body or just a little one. As if. May all your reading experiences be enjoyable ones. Best, best, TTFN Love from, Rosie

Causing a stink of the nicest kind

What's new on the old home front? For starters I've been hit where it hurts by my old friend and companion ME/CFS. More pertinently one particular and debilitating symptom (and I won’t go into details so you can refrain from squinting to avoid the gory bits as there are none) that has me going up and down more times than rides on a helter-skelter. Although I will say it is insidious and worse than all the other symptoms put together, anyway... I have been steadily working on ways to combat this and for the moment it appears to have improved as the time difference between each "attack" is slightly longer. Although just when I think I have it licked or as near as… boom! So, no place for complacency I’m afraid. And why don’t I simply label this blog entry medical bits and bobs of Rosie Bach-H. Sorry. One does tend to get self-involved when one's health is so controlling. But it does have knock-on effects which is where the writing and books come in. Finally, I heard you say? Last thought, bear with, if and when I do find something that actually helps I want to shout it to the world in the hope it might assist some other poor sod who is in the same boat. Now over to the pen and ink. Isn't that cockney rhyming slang for stink? "Enigma" has been on Smashwords, and Amazon, but for this blog I refer to Smashwords, for going on six weeks now and the result has been out of this world. Totally unexpected but appreciated. And I would like to take this opportunity to thank most sincerely the readers who took the time to post reviews and what reviews! Wow! Really? Most humbling indeed. I can't help but think they meant someone else and it somehow got posted to Wolf Black in error. I'm knocked back by it. Thank you. And I don’t even know these persons. That's the amazing thing. Well, apart from one. My ex-husband posted a review but only because he is a bona fide fan of Wolf Black's "Enigma". For the record, the latest version of all books on Smashwords, and Amazon, posted in August should now be without squiggles, the odd minor "oops!" and "how did that get in there?" cough, cough. Exciting stuff, all this pertaining to Wolfie's reception. Thank you again and I hope many more of you continue to enjoy "Enigma" especially whilst it's still on offer for free. I'm going to have to start charging eventually which will probably come about towards the end of 2013. Well, back to it. Finding and keeping ways to get and stay well, getting writing, two sides of the same coin. Keep smiling. Rosie

It's all "go" this end

It is I. I hadn't fallen down a drain or unused mine shaft. I've been at it like a viper. ME/CFS allowing. But we won’t go into that. I have now released a total of eight eBooks available on Amazon and Smashwords. On Smashwords they are free but you didn't hear that here. I'm completely impartial. Something to tickle everyone's fancy. Especially proud of my crime mystery novel, over 121,000 words long, called "Enigma" and written under the pseudonym Wolf Black. And, already got a rave review on the Smashwords site but you didn't hear that… and, I don't know the person. And, I didn't pay them to say that. Yes, Kate Bush it is indeed "Wow"! For more details including the low-down on my two indefatigable and charismatic London-based detectives, Dick Love and Stuart Le Fanu, please visit my website. Meanwhile steer clear of unused mine shafts. Until next time. Be happy. Rosie

Got my publisher's hat on

In brief, as we publishers are a busy lot, am having fun, frolics, headaches, panic attacks and death by chocolate in publishing seven eBooks on Amazon. And now my jobbie poo is to get you lot out there to gravitate towards my scribblings for both children and adults. Two hours later... I have no idea. But listen here, they are cheap, amusing, entertaining and did I mention cheap, 77 pence or 99 cents, ranging from fiction to real life. Absurd (think Victor Meldrew) to amusing (think smiling politely without showing your teeth). Hope you enjoy them. Why not let me know? Until next time.

Grim Reaper Gherkins abound in Germany!

A week ago I was feeling icky, unwell, bleurgh! But, what with me being me, I thought it was just me and my ME. However, with the lightning speed so familiar to me, I eventually realised this was something in addition to my ME and promptly took in my little sample to the doctor. Well, I didn’t personally, I wasn’t well enough. My ex-husband took it in. That’s what ex-husbands are good for. They come in handy for dropping off urine samples at the doctor’s surgery.

“You have a super superbug infection,” came back the reply. “Rest! Rest! And more rest!” Except it was all in German. Rest? Huh, for a change, like I don’t already. And “Drink plenty of water and chamomile tea!” Oh, great. My favourite beverage. Worn socks stewed in hot water. But drinking it I have been. That’s how you can tell when I’m really sick.

But then, horror of horrors! My friend Bachy, he’s a Bach too no relation, who works with my ex, told us here in Germany a nasty infection is doing the rounds and it’s all because of a Spanish cucumber. Even the organic ones! And what had I recently bought after weeks of not buying fresh vegetables? Yes, typical, isn’t it! I retrieved my Spanish organic cucumber from the fridge. My ex and I looked at each and at the missing half whereupon he promptly threw the remainder in the bin.

“Trust me!” I said to my ex. “The very moment I decide to buy something fresh I end up buying a killer cucumber!” Yes, I noticed the British Press have since stolen my catchphrase on that.

“I’ll tell Bachy,” said my ex, tittering uncontrollably at the irony of it all. Or was it terror at the thought of being struck down….

But, as cucumbers here in Germany are known as gherkins, I added, “Tell him the moment I decide to go out and buy fresh vegetables I come back with the Grim Reaper gherkin!”

Tell him he did. And Bachy, the rotter, is still snickering.

Facebook Fever

All right, I give in, I’m hooked. Can't say I like it but for the moment I'm intrigued. Like watching a scorpion dance. Still flummoxed on facebook but have met some really nice people. Joining facebook is a bit like your favourite snack. You know it's not that good for you but you just can’t leave it alone...

Can I really be podcasting?

Hello!

Have been having great fun delivering my podcast for my soon to be released ebook “Bach’s the name: Survival’s my game”!I have to admit, I did find it bloody hard going, but it was fun delivering it. Especially when doing the different voices! Bit off with the accents now and then, Texas instead of Brisbane, but one got the gist - that it was someone else speaking.

Going into discussions about an eye-catching ebook cover is imminent and hopefully within the next few weeks “Bach’s the name: Survival’s my game” will be available. Exciting innit! So, I’ll be keeping this blog updated come rain or shine: interpretation - fitting in with the ME - even if I have to get Shingy to do it… aah, we’ll manage between us what with our British bulldog spirit and Margaret Rutherford-type gumption, yes, indeedy, we’ll keep on top of it.

For further information visit my website.

La rue Morgue

What to do when your cat dies?

A cat dying can be controversial. And if you’re expecting to read about a magical procedure and what to do when your cat dies - you’re going to be disappointed.

So! Well-loved feline is dead and buried. But then, cats don’t live that long, do they? And you can always get another. After all, and don’t get me wrong, I love animals, but it was only a cat so let’s keep things in perspective. It’s for the best. Although, if you’re that upset, can’t understand it personally but it takes all sorts, then call up a friend or something!

Cry on their shoulder. Hug them close to you, so close that you feel the warmth of their body searing through your clothes, so close, that you feel the steady beat of their heart, the smell of their skin... the smell of their fur, the softness of their fur, so close, the vibration of their gentle purr fills your head and your heart, so close, that even death doesn’t mean goodbye.

I know what you’re thinking, what am I playing at? Do I care, don’t I? It’s just an animal. A cat. Get over it. They are only opinions but not necessarily my own.

It doesn’t matter what’s expected of you. Does anyone ever consider how the death of your cat is affecting you and does it matter what anyone else is expecting or thinks. No, of course it doesn’t matter. It’s nobody’s business but your own. Whether you are mourning the death of a human or an animal, how you feel, think and behave is entirely up to you. It happens to millions of people and that’s all you have in common because death is a personal affair. Cry if you want to, shout or be silent, but simply deal with it in your own way. Whatever that is. There are no rules.

Yes, it’s an animal, a cat, but it’s my cat. She belongs to me, as far as other living creatures can belong, be it human or animal, and I love her with every breath. We don’t have to speak to communicate. We can do that simply by looking at each other. She knows my looks, my moods and responds accordingly. She’s smart. She’s intelligent. She’ll get me out of a bad mood quicker than anyone I know and refuses to put up with any nonsense and quite right too. Although, that can work both ways, I decided, why should I be made to feel like the one who gets it wrong? Except, I never get the chance to put that into practice and for two good reasons. I excel at getting it wrong. So shoot me! I am only human. And secondly, she never gets it wrong.

At least, she never used to. Past tense.

Many years ago I was visited by a sensation I never wanted to experience again, but I knew I would, and that I would loathe it to an even greater degree. Many years ago a skeletal type hand was thrust into my chest in its feverish search for something with which to hurt me. It found its target without too much difficulty because the hand, which had since grown long jagged nails, latched onto it and I felt my heart being ripped, torn and gutted from my chest in such a manner only seen by Vincent Price. Except this was no film and it was really happening and I had to deal with it. And I did. It’s incredible what strength we have inside us when we least expect it.

That’s why I know how you feel. What I don’t know is how you’ll deal with it. But that doesn’t matter. Like those off-hand remarks you may or may not hear being spoken to you, “You can always get another one,” with the best of intentions at heart. I like to think. However, a few months later that’s exactly what I did. It wasn’t planned and it wasn’t a conscious decision either, but aren’t they the best ones?

That’s how I knew in years to come I was going to be visited by that bony hand again with its serrated claws - but I was prepared this time... as well as I can be. It means I treasured (all the more) every second she was with me. Each moment was a gift and it was priceless. I sincerely hope all the companionship and pleasure she gave me over the years - and I truly hope I gave her - will take precedence over her actual death.

One last thought. I firmly believe, when the time comes for that bony hand to reach into someone else’s chest... I have to believe a few familiar (furry) faces will be waiting to greet me amongst the less hairy ones.

It’s never goodbye between us, my darling, only à bientôt.


Ninja Bach-Holzer
19 July 1994 - 1 February 2010